Ana Chronicles- Day Five

Today is a new day, with no mistakes in it...yet.

So I woke up this morning to the sound of my obnoxious phone ringing in my face. I didn't recognize the number but since I was still groggy and not thinking straight, I answered. Right away it was some man speaking Japanese to me, "おはいおございますミスダニリ." Talk about disorienting! It turned out to be my Sensei from karate. I didn't go last week because I was sick, I went monday but everyone forgot to tell me we didn't have class (psh) and I didn't go this wednesday because I was sort of a mess because of the whole one year-anniversary of my brother's death. I told him all this and he was very understanding and kind. He's so much nicer outside the dojo!

Anyways, that's how I woke up this morning. Random story for you. Oh, and to add to that, I woke up with red sharpie all over my face. great.

I'm planning on going on the treadmill right now, eating 100 calories for breakfast, some fruit for lunch, and I'm taking my deceased brother's best friend out for frozen yogart or coffee tonight so I might have some frozen yogart (100 cal). I guess he's having a really hard time right now.

It's funny how I'm expected to support all these people in their grief over my brother. His best friend and girlfriend both rely on me a lot and I don't know how I'm supposed to support people when I've fallen apart myself.

Wow, sounds like you're definitely doing a good job of staying strong.

Today I weighed myself and I was up one pound. It totally shouldn't have been a big deal, but the way I've been eating and working out, I should have reached my 5-lb goal by now. It's really frustrating and makes me feel kind of crazy. I NEED this; I need to feel like I can do something right.

On the plus side, my doctor drew blood to test my thyroid. If I'm hypothyroid, I get pills that will really boost my metabolism. I really hope I can get them, that would just make my life right now.

I know how much it sucks to gain a pound when you've been working so hard. Stay strong girl! If it comforts you at all, I gained a pound today as well. Yesterday, the scale said I was down to 118, but I didn't really believe it because I ate so much crap on Friday. I weighed myself today and I was back up to 119. Still disappointing...

I ate kind of normally today, despite the bad news. On the upside, I ran 4.5 miles today at 6.5 m/hr. That's pretty good for me. whhooo hoo

oh yeah, and I tried on some clothes I have worn in a while. I have this super cute dress I got at forever 21 last summer and I tried it on again. The belt that goes high up on the waist was too big. I guess that was kind of comforting, but not entirely surprising considering I weigh about 14 pounds less than when I bought it.

The most frustrating part about this all is that no one has really noticed I've lost 10 pounds in the last month. Apparently it's not enough. It makes me angry at myself that I want this attention. I want to deny it but I can't. And I hate that.

if you've lost 10 pounds people would have noticed but for some reason, people can have issues telling a friend or family member that they've lost weight.
i think it's cause everyone is constantly on a diet and they don't like to recognise the success that other people are having when they aren't losing weight.
on another note, i started to get really srious about weight loss today.
i ate very little (didn't exercise though which is bad) and it was only ruined by my sister buying me a mini muffin.
it so annoying when that happens!
when you've having such a good eating day and someone surprises you with something or it's a friends birthday and you feel like you have to eat bad.
oh well, i'll do even better tomorrow
good luck ladies!

I need to not look at the scale in the morning unless I'm positive I've lost. Yesterday was a bad day for me food-wise, and so I look at my scale, and it says I'm up another pound. That puts me in such a self-pitying mood that I eat. Tomorrow's a no-food day for me, and there will be no dinner tonight. Let's hope that I can make it through the barbecue I'm going to without killing myself with food.

I got on the scale today as well and I gained another pound too. WHAT THE HECK?! I'm pissed off. Stupid scale. I honestly don't get it at all. I didn't throw up yesterday. I'm not on my period. I didn't eat horribly (800 cal). It doesn't make sense. I mean, I worked out really hard yesterday so maybe the weight is in muscle, and I'm bloaty for reasons unknown...

It's weird you gained two pounds this weekend as well, K. Well, it really sucks. And you're right. Now I just want to eat because I'm not losing anything anyways. psh. I've had 100 cal for breakfast. I'm having at most, 300 cal today. I hate my life.